Getting back to the right spirit.

I've been reading a book about how to build a platform as a writer, but it is difficult. The book is mainly geared forwards non-fiction and bloggers, so I have to dig through the bits to see what I can actually use. One of the issues it talks about is that you must be ruthless even it comes to self-promoting. This is something no one does for you, not even publishers. And Christina Katz mentions in a list of terms the negatives of what people see in self-promoters, like one word was Mercenary. This is a word I like, and I have heard Mike Rowe talk about freelancers as Mercenaries. That's the source of the word. A freelance was a knight that worked for himself, or for those who paid for his service. I'm trying, and want to get back into the spirit. When I was in Independent film, I use to be this way.

I contacted the news, even got a scheduled time to be on a morning show. There was the visits to locations and talks about cost, use, what we can and can't do. And not to mention the various auditions with the great actors I met. I also enjoyed creating the "Actor Release" forms. There's also the many networks and people I got to meet. I was able to do some much more then I do now. Mercenary, yes; but now it's nothing.

Nothing as in stuck cleaning toilets, trying to find another job that is more of the same. Dead end after dead end, everything is more active income when I'm meant to be passive and working for myself. It is what people living is meant to do. I'm trapped in retail, getting the same lies over and over. Yet, because of this, being treated like I'm worthless; I have lost all the strength I had. People scare me now and the thought of doing this again, makes me want to sliver up. What I'm doing is no better, retail is a place where people without dreams go to die. I said it before, yet I'm believing it more than I did 5 years ago. More and more, I want to quit and go down to Charleston for a week. I want to be the mercenary again,  and defy the desire to sliver up. Doubts are still there. I have no idea where I'm going to live, through. If I did get to go somewhere and have a month free from everything, I know I could get so much done. I could finish another novella and do some public speaking and shows. There's thing I need first, like a new car. It would break down before I get to Charleston. That's one thing I would like to do--go to a town and promote myself and enjoy the sites as I am there.

But, first I need to get my belief back--the mercenary spirit. Back then, I knew without a doubt that indie film was my purpose. I was wrong, yet I had the fire back then. How can I get the fire for writing and everything I do now? That's what stopping me from the next step.

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Why novellas?

           Most writers I know focus on novels, but I am more fond of novella and shorter works. I like reading, yet it has always been a struggle to read a full novel. Most books I've read are audio. I loose the desire to read after 20 pages. The stories I read, the plots aren't enough to hold by attention for 200 pages. And this carries throughout my writing. I do wish there were more novellas, like when I do to the book store--there are less than a handful. Most are religious. There are dozens of those. Many of the classics are novella length, like many of Steinbeck's stories. And I'm seriously surprised that today, people still demand novel length, since people have such shorter attention spans these days. Even I can't focus on any novel . . . it must be good for me to finish it. There are other people like me, who are casual readers, and novellas make more sense. It is easier for me to read and write, a novella.