Awkward Plans and What's Happening Ahead.

One thing that has to be done is for me to do things I don't enjoy. To succeed and to get anywhere, we must do these things. We can't be happy, and only do positive work everyday. The world is cruel and doesn't work that way. We must step out of our comfort zone and take miserable jobs. This is the way we get promoted. Why would a boss want to promoted a worker who's not willing to take on hard challenges? The truth is, neither does society and the world. People do take on these tasks, get respect from mostly everyone. There are a few people who can't ever be happy, and they aren't worth your time. I'm now to the point where I must go harder, and my anxiety doesn't like it. I want to do these things, but my mind and emotion are like, "No, they will hate you for this." But I'm like, "They already do hate me for no apparent reason, so why should I care?" Therefore, I continued on and made a list of ideas to grow my YouTube audience.

 

What I have to do, is go past my circle on the internet. Replying only on social media is a mistake and I must reach outside on the web. The ideas I have, besides making shorter videos, are:

 

1. Interviews - The plan is to take to the most successful people I know and will meet, and see what helped them to become who they are. This will of course, produce more traffic and having them promote the interview will bring in a new type of viewer.

 

2. Charity - Make videos supporting causes like clean water, wounded warrior and victims rights. All of these are personal and have meaning to me. There are numerous ideas I have here. The clean water is the first I'm planning on.

 

3. Travel Event - I have a crazy idea to get more view and subscribers, but I will wait to tell you. I don't want to ruin the surprise. As I travel, it will also give me access to other people to interview.

 

Yet, all these ideas, I have and the anxiety is biting at me. I don't know how to stop it, but I have the intentions of doing this anyway. Right now, I think I'm putting out the word so I can't bail out on this. Now I have to do these things, like I want. Comfort is also a matter of time. Right now the thought of the future make me feel sick, but after the events are over, it will feel like a dream. I will be thinking, "Did I really do that, and in that city? People must have thought I was a nut." Without doing these things, one can't get anywhere. It's something we must do, in spite of how we feel. I'm pretty much out of words now . . .

 

Mar sin leat, or "You'll see you later."

Getting back to the right spirit.

I've been reading a book about how to build a platform as a writer, but it is difficult. The book is mainly geared forwards non-fiction and bloggers, so I have to dig through the bits to see what I can actually use. One of the issues it talks about is that you must be ruthless even it comes to self-promoting. This is something no one does for you, not even publishers. And Christina Katz mentions in a list of terms the negatives of what people see in self-promoters, like one word was Mercenary. This is a word I like, and I have heard Mike Rowe talk about freelancers as Mercenaries. That's the source of the word. A freelance was a knight that worked for himself, or for those who paid for his service. I'm trying, and want to get back into the spirit. When I was in Independent film, I use to be this way.

I contacted the news, even got a scheduled time to be on a morning show. There was the visits to locations and talks about cost, use, what we can and can't do. And not to mention the various auditions with the great actors I met. I also enjoyed creating the "Actor Release" forms. There's also the many networks and people I got to meet. I was able to do some much more then I do now. Mercenary, yes; but now it's nothing.

Nothing as in stuck cleaning toilets, trying to find another job that is more of the same. Dead end after dead end, everything is more active income when I'm meant to be passive and working for myself. It is what people living is meant to do. I'm trapped in retail, getting the same lies over and over. Yet, because of this, being treated like I'm worthless; I have lost all the strength I had. People scare me now and the thought of doing this again, makes me want to sliver up. What I'm doing is no better, retail is a place where people without dreams go to die. I said it before, yet I'm believing it more than I did 5 years ago. More and more, I want to quit and go down to Charleston for a week. I want to be the mercenary again,  and defy the desire to sliver up. Doubts are still there. I have no idea where I'm going to live, through. If I did get to go somewhere and have a month free from everything, I know I could get so much done. I could finish another novella and do some public speaking and shows. There's thing I need first, like a new car. It would break down before I get to Charleston. That's one thing I would like to do--go to a town and promote myself and enjoy the sites as I am there.

But, first I need to get my belief back--the mercenary spirit. Back then, I knew without a doubt that indie film was my purpose. I was wrong, yet I had the fire back then. How can I get the fire for writing and everything I do now? That's what stopping me from the next step.

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Why novellas?

           Most writers I know focus on novels, but I am more fond of novella and shorter works. I like reading, yet it has always been a struggle to read a full novel. Most books I've read are audio. I loose the desire to read after 20 pages. The stories I read, the plots aren't enough to hold by attention for 200 pages. And this carries throughout my writing. I do wish there were more novellas, like when I do to the book store--there are less than a handful. Most are religious. There are dozens of those. Many of the classics are novella length, like many of Steinbeck's stories. And I'm seriously surprised that today, people still demand novel length, since people have such shorter attention spans these days. Even I can't focus on any novel . . . it must be good for me to finish it. There are other people like me, who are casual readers, and novellas make more sense. It is easier for me to read and write, a novella.